We've only been together for a short time, and I didn't want to intimidate you by getting you something lavish and expensive, so instead I got you something that you can actually use a few times until it breaks!

 

We've only been dating for a month.  There's no way I'm gonna empty my bank account for your gift just yet.  The item that you received from me was either a re-gift that I got from my weird cousin for Christmas, or it was right by the register at Walgreens, where I stopped to buy condoms on my way over to your place.

This is a heartfelt gift that I made with my own two hands. I took the time, effort, and creativity to craft something original for you because you're so unique. Also, we've only been dating for two weeks.

 

I just confirmed your suspicions that I might be mentally retarded.